April 2025 – Love is Here

April is here. Lent. Easter. Bunnies. Pastel m&m’s. Crosses. Churches advertising upcoming services. I used to be at all of them. I lived for Lent. Loved Maundy Thursday and praying all night in the Garden, Good Friday fasting, Holy Saturday, four little Easter baskets and Sunday morning colorful dresses.

But the message of the church started hurting my heart. Some people in our family did not feel welcome. The female voice seemed to be missing in leadership and teaching. I watched church leaders behave badly and not clean up their mess. I didn’t feel Love.

 

I am considering that God does not mean for us to feel unwelcome, unheard or to ignore bad behavior. I am awakening to a Love that keeps me from feeling shame and guilt much of the time. I don’t want to wake up in the morning feeling like a failure before my feet hit the floor. I am weary of reading about how unworthy, wretched and rebellious I am.

I have found my way to different writings and offerings that help heal places in me that have felt wrong and bad for so long. I inadvertently created a message from the church and scripture that I was inherently bad. The verses that used to point me to Jesus because I needed Him so desperately eventually made me feel discouraged about myself and my life. I got to a place where I could not find hope through that message.

Sometimes the world as we know it has to come crumbling down. Some would call it deconstruction, others may call it abandonment of faith or family, I am calling it me and my soul evolving, us becoming who we were always meant to be.

God is air. God is love. God is you. God is me. He, She, We were never meant to be in a box. Easter? Sure, have at it! Sing Alleluia, put flowers on the Cross, have Easter egg hunts. If it makes you feel hope, knock yourself out. Ramadan? You got it. Does it help you find you when you fast from sunup to sun down? Good on you. Go for it. Purim? Yes, of course! If it leads you to joy and fulfillment in these present moments, yes, yes, of course. By all means, dress up and eat and be merry.

Just know that above all, beyond all the holidays, the seasons, the ceremonies, there is a Source of endless, overflowing Goodness pouring forth, a healing perfect Love uniquely fashioned every minute of every day created intimately perfectly precisely for you, Love’s most favorite child. And I am here looking for her, for him, for you, for me, for us always.